Lymph Node Surgery - God Answers Prayer!!!!!!

October 4th, 2016
Could not sleep at all the night before my procedure. I just tossed and turned and thought about all the "what ifs." My Mother and my God Mother (My Aunt Debbie) picked me up at 6 am on the dot for my 7 o'clock check in time for my "sentinel lymph node dissection" procedure . I was so anxious and just ready to be done and out of surgery. We made it to the hospital in record time, 15 minutes from Monrovia to Baldwin Park is amazing- especially in so-cal traffic. I thought for sure I'd get there with only minutes to spare.

7:30 am I was finally called back into the pre-op holding room. It was a huge room with a bunch of gurneys separated by curtains. Patients of all different ethnicity's and ages sitting on their beds in starchy gowns with blue mesh caps on their heads, tubes and IVs hanging of all over their bodies. I was intimidated and instantly felt the nerves creeping in. My Nurses names where Flor ("No "a" baby girl" - She finally said... Oops I kept calling her "Flora") and my other nurse Nina. Both older Filipino women who loved on me and made me comfortable and calm. They were so sweet and patient. My favorite part of the pre-op waiting room was I had this super cool space looking paper blanket. The nurses hooked up to a tube that blew out warm air and it circulated in through the whole blanket and kept me so cozy- not at all hot -just right. Snuggies are sooooo 2009... Its all about the space blanket 2017 with the forced warm air! They hooked me up to my IV's and kept me warm while waiting to be wheeled into surgery. I dozed off and took a nice one hour nap under my sweet blanket. When I woke up and realized a whole hour went by and I still wasn't in surgery I was getting anxious. The waiting game was horrible and I will admit I was getting "spicy" with my tude. I just wanted to be home on my couch watching day time TV all foggy on meds. LOL.

At about 10:00 am... I was wheeled down to "radioactive medicine" department to have some lovely shade of blue radio active dye injected into my breast while awake. This dye is intended to then drain to my lymph nodes so that the Doctor can go in quickly and find the nodes easy, quickly and distinguish between each node. My Nurse Eve laid me on my back on the table and spread some numbing topical gel over my poor nipple- Poor thing didn't even know what was coming. (this stuff was the biggest placebo trick- "numbing" gel- HA!) Eve kept saying "This is really going to hurt, it is not comfortable and you will need to take deep breaths. I'll be back in about 5 minutes and give that gel time to take affect." She came back in what felt like 30 seconds and said "You ready- take a deep breath and then blow it out...out... out.... out... out..."

I thought I mentally prepared and coached myself. "You're tough Emily- Just breath deep and clinch your butt cheeks"

Can I just say: HOLY MOLY WOOOOWWWZA did it hurt! The closest thing I could describe it to is a long ascending wasp sting. But not just any wasp sting. Imagine a wasp landing on your nipple... yes nipple.... and stinging you and then the pain slowly ascending to the point where it feels like your nipple is being seared off (the dye bubbling under the skin) for about 10 seconds till you want to scream every profanity you know. Finally the stinging feeling descends to a dull sting tingling feeling. Well I was lucky enough to have 3 injections of this lovely dye. AKA three wasp stings if the wasps were the size of hummingbirds!

The first of the three injections I probably could be heard on the other side of the hospital. Imagine me saying the following as a slight whisper and then ending at a full volume scream...

"Oooh ou...ouch... Ooh my gosh.. that REALLY STINGS.... HOLY MOLY... OOUAAACCCCHHHH MOTHER LOVER" 

Yes- I really did say "mother lover." I didn't really realize it until an older Asain doctor came up to me after it was all over and said. "It hurt you bad yeah? What you mean mother lover?" he chuckled and rubbed my shoulder. Hey- at least I didn't say anything too terrible. Eve also said "Wow you handled that pretty well. I have had women sob and are in tears" I told her "Oh I was sobbing-it just hurt so bad I just didn't have any tears come out!" LOL! After it all over and done with my first thought was why the heck couldn't that torture been performed while I was already out on the table?

Now that that torture was all over I was wheeled back to pre-op to wait another 30 minutes. The anesthesiologist came and introduced himself. He removed 3 or 4 little vials from his scrub front pocket. I don't really remember what all of them where. The only one I do remember was the last one he held up. He said "And THIS one... this one is like tequila... you'll like this one- promise" I laughed and within a couple minutes of receiving the "tequila" I was dancing on my gurney for sure. Surgery!? Lets Goooo!!!

The next thing I knew I was in a FREEZING operating room looking up at all  funky lights and seeing blurs of people moving all around me. Then before I knew it..... Zonk....

As if only two minutes had gone by...

I was sitting up on my gurney looking around the room and my mom rubbing my arm and saying "hey babe- how do you feel?" Its already over? That was quick. My stomach felt like I just rode a roller coaster about 10 times straight. YUCK.... but my pain was not that bad and I felt pretty good considering. Just dizzy and a little out of it. After about an hour of coming to I was wheeled down to my car by "Francois"- the nurse who was originally from Haiti. My Aunt and mom drove me home where at about 3 pm I was resting peacefully on my couch taking the best nap ever!

For the last few days I have just relaxed and tried to rest and heal. Doing my best to not overthink or fear the worst about receiving the news about the outcome of the pathology of my lymph node dissection. You guys have covered me in prayer and all the support I have felt is really keeping me upbeat and strong.

This morning October 6th, 2016 8:35am
After dropping Maddox off at school. I was doing my morning ritual since I found out about having cancer. Playing my favorite song  "Thy Will" by Hilary Scott and I literally belt it out at the top of my lungs and sing those words into my heart! If you haven't heard the song you should listen to it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PAmh3yvmzXs

While I was listening to the song I received an incoming call from an unknown number... who is interrupting my song!?

OMG... this is it... this is the results of the pathology of my lymph nodes. I paused and said a quick prayer.

Dear God- PLEASE I pray that they come back negative. Please you know the desires of my heart to have babies! Please no cancer in them. Please no radiation, no chemo, and no egg harvesting. Please please please!

E: "Hello this is Emily"
Dr: "Hello, Emily?... This is Doctor Goldner"
E: "Hi Doctor- I'm really nervous, I pray you have good news for me" - my voice shaking and a huge lump in my throat."
Dr: "How are you feeling? You sound like you are doing good."
E: "Yeah I'm hanging in there.. really sore today, today has been the worst as far as pain goes in my incision site"
Dr: "Well I called because I just got your results in my inbox and wanted to call you right away"
E: "And? please say they are negative"
Dr: "Yes Emily... they are negative. No sign of Cancer in them."
E: "No!?- Thank you so much Doctor- THANK GOD " ***Sobbing ensues!! Happy Tears!***

LET ME SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS!

Lymph nodes came back CLEAAARRR!!!! CLEAR of any CANCER! 

THANK YOU LORD!!!! YOU ARE SO GOOD! PRAYERS ANSWERED!!! 

This means NO radiation, NO Chemotherapy, NO Egg harvesting!!!! YES BABIES!

I am so over the moon right now and so so so so relieved! Crying again like when I did when I first heard the news! SCREW YOU CANCER- You CAN'T MESS WITH ME!!! 

Thank you for ALL the prayers and positive vibes you all sent my way!

What this means now... I will have to still have surgery to remove the cancer. I will be having a mastectomy on the left side with reconstruction done at the same time. Reconstruction will be done with an implant on the one side. With a Mastectomy they remove all the breast tissue, glands, nerve endings and nipple. It will no doubt be an adjustment and I am sure I will have to mentally overcome any body perception issues- But after the news today I feel like I have already dodged the biggest bullet of this whole journey. It will be an adjustment but this is a second chance and a HUGE wake up call to take better care of myself.

Surgery is set for the 18th of this month... I am still going to be showering myself  in everything pink and THANKING the good Lord for protecting me from any further treatment.

Thank you Family and Friends for all the well wishes, texts, calls, and most importantly prayers!

Thank you GOD- I will continue to sing your praises and thank you for this blessed life. You are SOOOOO good to me!